I imagine that many of us have an inner voice—the one that speaks through our intuition, guiding us with a gentle nudge when something feels right or wrong. For some, this voice is a whisper, a gut feeling, or a sense of knowing. For me, however, this voice came from a very unlikely source: a brain tumor lodged at the base of my skull. A tumor that began as my greatest enemy and, unexpectedly, became my most unlikely ally. I called him “Bubba.”
My story begins in Blaine, Washington, at the Canadian and U.S. border. It was just me, my trusty bicycle, and my brain tumor. Months before this moment, my life had been turned upside down by a diagnosis. A tumor, the size of a golf ball, was pressing against my brain and entangling itself with my carotid artery, making its presence impossible to ignore. This looming mass filled me with fear and uncertainty. I dreaded what it could mean for my future.
In a search for guidance, I turned to my mentor, someone with a deep belief in angels and the metaphysical world. She encouraged me to be kind to my body, even to the parts that were causing me pain or discomfort. “Talk to your body,” she said. “Speak positive affirmations and show love—even to the tumor. Maybe you should name it.”
I remember shaking my head and thinking, she’s lost it. Name my tumor? How ridiculous! Yet, as time passed and I sat with the idea, something shifted within me. I decided to give it a try—if only to feel like I was doing something proactive.
So, one day while driving in my car, I found myself talking aloud—not just to the air, but specifically to the unwanted mass nestled in my brain. After some playful deliberation, the name "Bubba" popped into my head. It felt oddly appropriate. Bubba seemed like the kind of name you’d give something big, stubborn, and persistent. A grey blob crammed into a tiny cavern; arm wrapped around my carotid artery like they were old friends.
And so, Bubba and I began our bizarre relationship, one I never wanted but was forced to navigate. In the face of my diagnosis and uncertain health, I decided to embark on something bold: a 1,845-mile bike journey from Canada to Mexico down the Pacific Coast. I felt an urgency to live fully, to take control of my life. And so, with Bubba riding shotgun in my head, I set off. Little did I know, Bubba would become the relentless inner voice narrating the journey.
The first two weeks on the road through the Pacific Northwest were unforgiving. Rain poured day and night, soaking everything in its path. When you’re camping in the cold, waking up to a warm meal feels like a far-off dream. Damp gear became my constant companion, and the physical discomfort was overwhelming. Bubba, of course, made sure to remind me of it at every opportunity.
“Why did you sign us up for this?” Bubba sneered as I pedaled through yet another downpour. “What are you even trying to prove?”
His voice was insistent, critical, and annoyingly present. As much as I wanted to silence him, I couldn’t. He was part of me now, and I had to deal with him. At times, it felt like I was at war with my own mind. Bubba was like an irritating travel companion who wouldn’t stop pointing out the worst aspects of the trip.
But as the miles passed and I pushed through the rain, the cold, and the exhaustion, I began to see Bubba differently. I realized that Bubba wasn’t just my antagonist—he was also my mirror. His questions and critiques were reflecting back the doubts and fears I had been burying for so long. What was I fighting against? Why was I so determined to prove something by taking on this journey?
These questions began to bubble up, and I couldn’t ignore them anymore. The battle wasn’t with Bubba. It was with myself. I had been resisting my own fears, doubts, and vulnerabilities, and Bubba’s voice was forcing me to confront them. This wasn’t just a physical journey down the coast; it was an inward journey of self-discovery and healing. I had set out thinking I was going to conquer the road, but in reality, I was facing the inner turmoil I had been avoiding for so long.
As the landscape shifted from the wet forests of Washington to the sun-drenched cliffs of California, something else began to change. Bubba’s voice, once harsh and critical, softened. Instead of mocking me, he became more of a companion—still blunt, but less antagonistic.
“Not bad, huh?” Bubba would remark as we cruised along the stunning coastline, the ocean stretching endlessly beside us. There were still tough days, steep climbs, and moments when I wanted to quit, but Bubba wasn’t as harsh as before. Instead of being my enemy, it felt like Bubba had become my biggest fan, in a strange, twisted way. He pushed me to keep going, to face my fears, and to embrace the journey.
By the time I reached the Mexican border, Bubba and I had come to a truce. I had stopped seeing him as just an invader in my life, but as a catalyst for growth. In our bizarre banter, I had found resilience, humor, and strength. Bubba had taught me that sometimes the things we resist the most are the very things that push us toward transformation.
My journey with Bubba wasn’t just about surviving a tumor. It was about learning to live fully, even when life throws you the unexpected. Bubba might still be with me, but instead of fighting him, I’ve learned to listen to what he has to say—and, sometimes, even appreciate the wisdom in his words.
Article Inspired by the award-winning book The Road Unpaved: Border to Border with a Brain Tumor and a Bike by Risa August
Award-winning author, Speaker, Gestalt Practitioner, and Patient Advocate, Risa August has been living with a pituitary tumor and rare disease for over a decade. Risa shares her insights and perspectives on stage, offering words of inspiration to audiences. Additionally, Risa works one-on-one with clients, guiding them through the many roadblocks of life and toward living more fully inspired.
A girl with sparkles in her hair and once an Ironman athlete, Risa still has a passion for her bike and barbells. With her genuine curiosity and love for trying new (and old) things, you may find Risa taking Bollywood or Hip-Hop dance lessons, trying a silks aerialist or boxing class, going indoor skydiving, and guiding inspirational workshops in creativity.
Through her personal transformation, Risa has learned and practiced removing limiting beliefs, shifting her perspective, and embracing an expansive life…a life unleashed.
Find out more at https://www.risaaugust.com/
Article published in The Relatable Voice Magazine - November 2024. Downolad the full magazine at https://www.relatable-media.com/the-relatable-voice-magazine
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