We all aspire to live our most Heartspoken Life in which we fulfill our purpose, express our gratitude, achieve our goals, and spread as much love and kindness as possible in whatever time is given us. It is our connection with others that has captured my writer’s imagination and inspired me to explore it from many perspectives: spiritual, psychological, physical, and emotional.
Hard-wired for Connection
Social scientist Dr. Brené Brown, from studies with thousands of people, believes we humans are “hard-wired for connection.” She found that those who had cultivated strong, healthy relationships tended to be the happiest and the most resilient when faced with challenges or hardships.
In my exploration, a very simple, old-fashioned connection tool emerged as being remarkably effective: the heartspoken note. It’s so simple.—consisting of just pen and paper, envelope and stamp—combined with the postal service.
The note that changed everything for me
I’d always written notes, because that’s what I was taught to do. It was expected and good manners. But one day, a note from a stranger made me realize it was so much more. It was from a woman devastated by the loss of her son:
“I truly appreciated the encouraging letter you sent my son’s fiancée after my son took his own life. She shared it with me, and it came during one of the most difficult and testing times of my life. I know I have read your note over 25 times; it was a lifeline which kept my spirits up.”
To this day, I have no idea what I wrote, but I know it came from my heart and carried a genuine desire to comfort. What I remember clearly is that on reading this mother’s anguished missive, I experienced a moment of instant clarity: a note crafted with thoughtfulness and compassion can have impact and create a ripple effect. I’ve been a believer in the power of note writing ever since.
As I shared my enthusiasm for note writing reviving the lost art, I heard more stories of notes that had impacted the recipient profoundly. Yet many still felt uncomfortable crafting those notes and urged me to write a guidebook. The book’s title, Heartspoken, came to me years before I ever wrote a word. The gremlins of procrastination and self-doubt prevailed for years.
COVID-19: a world turned upside down
The pandemic forced us all to redefine what connection looked like when we couldn’t be together safely in the same room. Suddenly, across the world, there was a resurgent interest in note and letter writing. We wrote to family and friends, those who were sick, children and grandchildren, fellow church members, residents of nursing homes. healthcare heroes, and law enforcement officer.
We wrote because we were suddenly aware we might die sooner than we thought…because amid these surreal circumstances, personal notes seemed more real and more important than they ever had before.
On my 70th birthday, a month into “The Great Pause,” my daughter Sarah challenged me to write my book—the one she’d heard me talking about for years. The timing was right; outside commitments had disappeared. Suddenly I’d run out of excuses.
As I faced my own mortality, I also faced down those self-doubt and procrastination gremlins. The world may have other books on note writing, but it didn’t have my book on note writing.
Connection: essential to marketing too
So, I wrote the book, researched publishing options, and contracted with Koehler Books to publish it in 2022.
And then—as every author knows—I was faced with marketing my book. Once again Connection surfaced as a theme as I forged links with other authors, publicists, influencers, podcasters, bloggers, bookstore owners, and book fair organizers. I tried to support them as much as the support I was hoping to get, and this created bonds that have, in many cases, resulted in new friendships.
And you never know who might know someone who can help you.
A local friend I saw at a book fair referred me to his podcaster friend who invited me to his podcast and gave my book to his friend Peggy Post, Director Emeritus of the Emily Post Institute. That led to an invitation to be a guest on the Awesome Etiquette Podcast, where I was interviewed by Emily Post’s great-great-granddaughter Lizzie Post, currently co-president of the Institute. They were promoting the Centennial Edition of Emily Post’s Etiquette book, and I not only bought it but also talked about it every chance I got. Lizzie and her cousin Dan returned the favor with subsequent mentions of my book and newsletter (Today’s HEARTSPOKEN Note on Substack), and that doubled my subscriber base.
Remember this: Connection matters
Whether you’re marketing a book, an idea, a ministry, a cause, or just yourself, the investment you make in forging and nurturing relationships, personal and professional, will serve you well wherever your journey takes you. Connection is a strong foundation for your own Heartspoken Life.
by Elizabeth H. Cottrell
(published on The Relatable Voice Magazine - September 2024)
Elizabeth H. Cottrell—award-winning author, blogger, and speaker— has long been a business and nonprofit leader in the Shenandoah Valley and the Commonwealth of Virginia. When she was elected to the board of trustees of First Bank/First National Corporation in 1992, she was the first female board member in its almost 100-year history, and since 2016, she has been its first female Board Chairman. Her book HEARTSPOKEN: How to Write Notes that Connect, Comfort, Encourage, and Inspire, was published by Koehler Books in 2022, has launched the #HeartspokenMovement and has had a ripple effect among personal note writers as well as sales professionals. More info at https://heartspoken.com/.
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